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Been too far for way too long

tried to find my own way back

but I knew I wouldn’t come alone

and you needed more than that

it’s hard to see the splinters

this life gave you for the love

you had for me through winters

my mind could freeze you out of


this stranger I know all too well

and do not know at all

it once told me it was safe

to walk backwards from the fall

to numb before the pain began

and I’d listen to the calm

but when I tried to sneak away

it woke my every wrong


parts of my life I kept aside

to protect you from this depth

making all my own horrors hide

from the faith you’ve always kept

that life would ensure a healing

for the worst one can endure

and that goodness has a feeling

a heart could know for sure


just wish I knew sooner

that what I held alone,

what I could never carry

fell on you as I roamed

too blind to see the cost

in loving one who hates

would make you bear a cross

that cannot be blamed on fate


I’m sorry for all I’ve done

it’s late and you’ve gone away

it wasn’t up to you for saving one

who had to find their way

and just to let you know

your love was never wasted

the seed in me you’ve grown

was a peace that I have tasted


goodbye’s need their place

even if it’s the last word spoken

every one of us needs space

to gather what is broken

I tried to be the one

who would never let you down

but thought myself too highly

to ever drop that crown


see, not everything is ends well

and no growth can make it ‘fine’

acceptance of a hell

may be too difficult to define

I wish I knew that before

I met this stranger in the street

advising me that war

were the emotions I had in keep


now for me it’s all too clear

the wounds many never heal

reality lies there

between hope and what is real

this honesty awaits

once alone upon my bed

just wish for our own sake

we stop making roses out of dread


but this is the type of honesty

the world has no use for



© Tammy Mezera 2016


(People who struggle with drug/alcohol addiction are just like everyone else who deeply love and are loved, dream, hope for good, talented and intelligent, and struggle for healing, etc. Addictions are not about being weak or about a bad person, it is about something else taking control)